Article for the New York Observer

http://observer.com/2013/11/heel-the-world-pay-for-pain-shoe-guy-lets-women-walk-all-over-him/


Read it there

So a guy live tweeted his neighbor's break up

You can see it through the hashtag #rooftopbreakup

I've frankly lived way more entertaining break ups.  Some personal highlights include;

"YOU MADE ME WATCH GILMORE GIRLS!"

"Ok, so yes I slept with someone else, but you don't understand, I was fat in high school! Women throw themselves at me now."

"You think I'm dumb cause of my accent!"

"It's like we're from different worlds, you don't remember Three's Company!"*


*I do so remember Three's Company, from Nick at Nite.  This guy remembers vividly the originally airings of the episodes because he was really, really old and lived in the past.

***I've said/done some pretty fucked up, inane and insane things myself.  For which I'm very sorry but I will not be sharing until I get really desperate for attention...so in about an hour.

Look Whose Talking Redux: The Kirstie Alley comeback

In which Mikey is diagnosed with a rare form of cancer, and needs a transplant.  He finds out that John Travolta is not his real father, but rather that he is the product of an ill advised affair between his mother and her boss; misunderstandings, learning and hilarity ensue...

The "who is talking" is Mikey's tumor. He will be voiced by Kenan Thompson from SNL. He will provide hilarious commentary and he grows and spreads into Mikey's bloodstream.

I think it will be a hit. 

Scenes I want to see in the iconic 90s teen movie in my mind

90s teen movies were crap compared to the 80s (other than Clueless). They got Breakfast Club and Pretty in Pink, we got She's All That and Can't Hardly Wait.  Deeply unfair.  The best depictions of adolescence made in the 90s (again besides Clueless, the greatest movie of all time) took place in the 70s; Dazed and Confused and Freaks and Geeks. Well, it has been 20 years since 1993, it is time for the great 90s retro teen movie.  It should hit several marks including

1. A white girl (preferably blonde) very earnestly singing Tracy Chapman's "Fast Car" at her school/summer camp talent show.

2. Only the rich kid has a cellphone.

3. Someone is referred to as an "alternachick"

4. Something nonconsensual happens while Dave Matthew's Crash or Lover Lay Down is playing.

5. A white guy with Dreads.

6. Bulimia, it's so 90s.

7. Shoplifting from Contempo Casuals.

8. Pictures of a young Leonardo Dicaprio posted in the girls' lockers.

9. Manic Panic dye jobs*

*Said it before I'll say it again.  This trend has returned. If you are old to enough to have done it the first time, you don't get to do it the second time.